It's Not Right
by aalikane
Summary: My take on what should have come out of Kurt's mouth, after he professed his atheistic beliefs in the middle of Glee Club during Grilled Cheesus. One-shot...Okay...now two one-shots...possibly another to come...but don't count on it.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just a plot bunny that came hopping through my head today. Being an atheist myself, and being surrounded by people who believe in God...this whole scene means a lot to me. When my father passed away, and I had similar situations where people would 'keep me in their prayers' and telling me they'd pray for me...I couldn't bring myself to say what Kurt did. I wish I did. But I think I've made it up to my 19 year old self through this one-shot. Hope you all enjoy.

Disclaimer: Italics are direct quotes from the episode 2x03, Grilled Cheesus. Anything else you recognize belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox. The rest...well that's mine.

* * *

"_Thank you Mercedes. Your voice is stunning. But I don't believe in God." _He said, without thinking about the outlash that would soon occur. Tina was the first to respond.

"_Wait, what?"_

"_You've all professed your beliefs, I'm just stating mine." _He said calmly to the people around him. _"I think God is kind of like Santa Clause for adults. Otherwise God's kind of a jerk. Isn't he? I mean he makes me gay and then has his followers going around telling me it's something that I chose as if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. And right now, I don't want a Heavenly Father. I want my real one back." _He somberly told them. He knew they wouldn't agree with him. He knew that most of them were stout Christians, or in Rachel's case Jew, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"_But Kurt, how do you know for sure? I mean, you can't prove for sure there's no God." _Mercedes tried to reason with him. She couldn't understand how he couldn't believe in God. It was all she ever knew, not believing was just not done in her world.

"_You can't prove that there isn't a magic teapot floating around on the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it… that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs but… it seems pretty unlikely doesn't it?" _

"_Is God an evil dwarf?" _Brittany supplied, providing her patented one liners that under other circumstances would make everyone laugh, but not with the tension in the room currently.

"_We shouldn't be talking about this. It's not right."_

"_I'm sorry Quinn." _He told the Cheerio sitting next to him. "But what you said is true. It isn't right. It's not right that you all get to go home to your mothers and your fathers tonight. It's not right that you get to hug them, and have them hug you back. It's not right that when you go home and tell your parents that you love them and they tell you they love you back, that I won't get the same response. It's not right, while I have to go home to an empty house." He stuttered out as he stood up and threw his messenger bag over his shoulder. "It's not right that you all have mothers at home to hold you when your upset and tell you everything is going to be okay while mine is dead. It's not right that your fathers are perfectly fine, while mine is lying in the hospital." He stops for a second, trying to blink back tears.

"I see how you all are," he continues. "Your phone rings, you pick it up without a care in the world. It's not right that whenever my phone rings, that the thought that my dad might have died runs through my head like a Tasmanian Devil. It's not right. It's not fair. If there is a God, then I seriously want to know what I did to make him angry at me." He turned around and went to walk out of the room, but stopped and said one last thing. _"You all can believe whatever you want to, but I can't believe something I don't. I appreciate your thoughts. But I don't want your prayers."_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I thought about this one for a while...and finally wrote it today. Hope you like it. It was hard to get into Sue's head...I'm not completely sure I did her justice.

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.

* * *

"What is wrong with you?" The little pipsqueak guidance counselor burst into Sue's office and interrupted her conversation with Hillary. It was nothing special, just a 'keep me in your good graces' type of call. Sue's good graces, not Hillary's.

"I'm sorry Madam Secretary, I'm gonna have to call you back." She smiles at the intruder, granted its one of her patented 'annoy me and I'll main you 10 ways to Sunday' smiles, but a smile nonetheless. "Love to Bill."

"There is a boy, in that glee club that might lose his father." She says, as if Sue had no clue what was going on. She was Sue Sylvester, she knew everything that occurred in Lima. "How could you get in the way when all anyone is trying to do, is give that poor child just a little bit of comfort?" 'Comfort? Hah.' though Sue. 'That's the last thing anyone, besides myself is giving that boy.' "What happened to you Sue? Please tell me what horrible, horrible thing happened to you, to make you such a miserable tyrant?"

"Have a seat." She commands as she stands up to close the door to her office. "Ever since I was a little girl, I've had exactly one hero. My big sister." She pauses, thinking back on all the times that she fawned over her big sister, and looked up to her. "You know how much I worshipped her?" She was the sun and the moon to me." She sat back down and took a breath before speaking again. "And while I was still very young, I noticed that other people didn't feel about her the way I did. People were rude to her. They were cruel, they laughed at her." The doe-eyed squirt looked slightly uncomfortable and Sue came to the annoying conclusion that she honestly had no clue what was being said.

"Jean…gosh. She's so amazing. But not everyone understands that Down Syndrome doesn't mean stupid." The look of realization hit the redhead's face and she probably just realized why Sue had taken Becky Jackson under her wing. "I prayed so hard….that people would stop being cruel to her. All the while my prayers weren't being answered. So I prayed harder, and harder. After a while I realized that it wasn't that I wasn't praying hard enough, it was that no one was listening."

There was silence for a few seconds before Sue spoke again. "Asking someone to believe in a Fantasy, however comforting, isn't a moral thing to do. It's cruel."

"Sue, don't you think that's just a little bit arrogant?"

"It's as arrogant as telling someone how to believe in God, and if they don't accept it, no matter how open hearted, or honest their dissent, they're going to hell? Well that doesn't sound very Christian does it?" Sue tells her, with something akin to a frog in her throat. Akin to, because Sue doesn't get something as mundane as a frog in her throat. She gets more of a newt, or a salamander.

"Well if that's your belief that's fine. But please keep it to yourself." Emma replied.

"So long as you do the same. That boy doesn't want the false promises that prayers can give him. He does not want the false hope that comes with faith. That boy may lose his father at any moment. He needs to prepare for the worse, and hope for the best. Not prepare for the best, and be blind sighted if the worse comes. You should start preparing him for that.

"It's not up to you to determine what's best for Kurt, Sue."

"No, you're right. That's his father's job. Even I am not so arrogant to think I outrank his father, but his father is unconscious in a hospital right now. Whatever you're thinking, field mouse, I do outrank you. I've asked him what he wants, instead of assuming what he needs." Sue stands up and opens the door for Emma, an act of politeness not usually seen through the actions of one Sue Sylvester. "Now get out of my office. I realize you're only half orangutan, but I'm still very allergic to your lustrous ginger mane."

"You're wrong Sue. Kurt needs the support his friends can give him. He needs someone to tell him that things are going to be okay."

"Absolutely. He just doesn't need their religion as well."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Once again...taking the episode Grilled Cheesus and adding my own spin on it. Hope you all enjoy.

Disclaimer: Italics are direct quotes, if you recognize it, it's not mine.

* * *

Once again everyone was sitting in the middle of the choir room, this time however the focus wasn't on trying to help Kurt through the troubled time, but blaming him, for the so-called troubled time everyone else was going through. _"Last week we were too sexy, this week we're too religious, we can't win." _Tina complained. Everyone nodded along with her, like they agreed with her. Kurt just sat in the back corner of the room, not saying anything.

"_Now I know what Miley feels like." _Brittany quipped.

Rachel spoke up after a moment. _"The real tragedy here is that I've found the most perfect spiritual song to sing this week and now it's been torn away from me like Sophie's daughter." _Kurt rolled his eyes and sighed. This was quite a ridiculous affair, because he didn't want to deal with listening to all their bullshit, he had to sit there, and listen to all this bullshit.

"_Guys, you can still sing whatever songs you like that sum up your feelings about God, about spirit. You just can't do it on school time."_ He tried placating them. He knew how much this week was hurting Kurt, but at the same time, he knew that spirituality was the only way the rest of this class was going to get through the next few weeks.

"_I hope you're happy, Kurt!" _Santana spit out.

"_Having the time of my life actually, _Santana, thanks for asking."

"_Guys, back off Kurt. He had every right to speak his mind."_ Kurt knew he should be thankful to Mister Schuester for helping him through this week, but at the same time, he just couldn't find it in his heart to be thankful for anything at this moment. Mercedes then spoke up.

"_Look Kurt, we're sympathetic to all you're going through. But siding with Miss Sylvester isn't going to do anyone any good."_ She tried to reason with him. But he wasn't having any of that.

"_It's doing me some good. Now I don't have to sit around listening to all you mental patients talk about how there's a God when I know, there isn't one." He shook his head. "I love you all, but you need to get over yourselves." He stood up and walked towards the front of the room, readying himself to leave the class, even though it was only the middle of fourth period. For the last few days, and probably for the foreseeable future, he was pretty much given a free 'roam the school' pass by any teacher who caught him in-between classes. They all knew he had more important things on his mind, than learning how to divide binomials, or how to conjugate verbs in French. _

"_I mean seriously guys? You're all sitting here, crying over the fact that you can't sing a silly song. Well guess what? I have more important things to deal with than crying over some silly glee club performance." Anyone who knew Kurt, knew that he took Glee club very seriously, and to call any performance silly meant he was hurting. "My father….he could… die…at any moment. And you're all upset because you can't sing a stupid fucking song?" He ignored Schuester's protest's at the young countertenor loud swearing. "Have any of you ever experienced emotional pain? I mean serious emotional heartbreak. Have any of you ever experienced emotional pain to the point where you'd rather get tossed into a dumpster twenty times instead? Where you'd rather have a slushie tossed in your face, rather than have to deal with the fact that you may never see your father smile at you again?" He glanced around the room to find a few people with indignent looks upon their faces. "Breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend of 2 weeks, or not getting a solo does not count." He watched the faces of his friends as they slowly changed from self-righteous to guilt. "I didn't think so."_

"_Kurt, we just want to help you." Mercedes tried to tell him._

"_By what? Telling me that believing in God will make my father better? That praying will somehow make my father live?" He shook his head. "No. I refuse to be taken in by the lie that is faith. Who knows, maybe there is some supernatural being out there, with the capabilities to take our prayers into consideration and effect change in the world. But why would he? If it's all part of His Divine Plan, why would he change it, just because some small gay boy in the middle of no-wheresville Ohio asked him to? There is no point."_

"_You need to believe in something, Kurt." Quinn tried._

"_No Quinn, I don't. I don't need to believe in God, or in Jesus or anything similar. I believe in science. I believe in facts. I believe what can be proven. I mean hell, even if there were a God, and he decided to grace the entire world with his presence…do you think anyone would believe him? Or would he be sent away into the local psyche ward?" He paused to let the irony of the facts sink in. "You can all believe in Him if you want to, but I don't need to hear about him right now. I refuse to be sorry for what I did with Miss Sylvester. She at least understands what I want right now, instead of trying to tell me what I need."_

_He turned around and walked out the door, but stopped at the threshold. "It's a sad, sad day when Sue Sylvester takes my beliefs and considerations to heart, before my friends do."_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Reading the story "Conversations About God" by the author goodgollymolly, here on gave me the inspiration for this next chapter. Someone once asked in a review, if I would take a chance at a non-canon scene for this story, so here it goes!

* * *

Kurt walked into the choir room the day after his father moved his fingers. Kurt was ecstatic. He walked in, and started to bounce. Everyone looked at him strangely, because that's not something you're supposed to do when your father is lying comatose in a hospital bed. "What's up with you, Kurt?" Mercedes asked gently.

Smiling, Kurt told them the news. "My fathers waking up." Everyone's faces lit up, but everyone heard him say "waking" instead of "woke" up.

"What do you mean, he's waking up, Kurt?" Mr. Schuester asked.

"Last night, I went to the hospital, and I was talking to him. I was telling him about how Mercedes asked me to go along with her to her church, and what I realized there. As I was telling him this….his index finger on his left hand started to move." Kurt beamed. Everyone let out a cheer.

"That's great, Kurt." Quinn told him kindheartedly.

"Thanks. He hasn't woken up fully yet, but I know he's going to." Kurt said confidently. "He has to."

"I'm so happy for you, Kurt. You won't be an orphan dolphin now!" Brittany said cheerfully. Santana, who was sitting closest to Brittany just shook her head, and started to whisper something no one else could hear into Britt's ear.

"Thanks Brittany…" Kurt shook it off, the knowledge that had his father not woken up, he would have become and orphan, and who knows what would have happened then. "But things are going to be okay. I'm going to be fine."

* * *

After the Glee Club finished their performance of "What if God Was One of Us," Kurt and Mercedes were walking around the school, just burning time. Kurt was under the concept that if he hadn't gotten a phone call from the hospital, that means there hasn't been any chance, and no change, is better than worse change. "So you never told me, what you realized while you were at church with me, Kurt." She asked, genuinely curious.

"Are you sure you want to hear it?" Kurt asked, knowing how much she worshiped God, and how much this was likely to hurt her.

"Yea, I do."

"At first, when I got there, I thought it was going to be a waste of time. I mean, in any other situation, what else would a bunch of people sitting around in uncomfortable chairs, listening to some man lecture on about things you can look up in a book, be? We go through it every day during school." Mercedes giggled, understanding where Kurt was coming from. "But then you and the choir started to sing. You were phenomenal, just like always."

"Thanks, Kurt."

"But I also realized, that the invisible man in the sky that you all can feel, and believe in, I can't." He shook his head as he said it, to emphasize his point.

"What do you mean?"

"When I was there, I saw people who seriously seemed uplifted because they were in church, something that 3 days later would be used for Bingo." He said sarcastically. "They seemed so moved that just by being in church, they were more connected to the invisible figure they call God."

"Well yea, that's what is supposed to happen."

"I don't have that capability." Kurt shrugged. "I can't feel him, I never could."

"Have you tried?" Kurt nodded.

"Yea, Mercedes. I did. When my mom died, I had no idea what was going on. All I can remember is thinking 'why was she taken away from me?' Because when you're 9 years old, you really don't understand death as much as you do when you're 16, 20, or 40. Hell death is still a hard concept to grasp right now, but at least we understand that when you're dead, you don't come back to life."

"True, very true."

"But when she died, I remember everyone telling me that it was part of God's plan, or God's will. That if I looked to God, that I would find comfort that my mom was no longer with us. I tried, I really did. But I just couldn't connect. It's like there's a firewall between God and me, blocking me from his path."

"I've never heard it explained like that."

"Even if I wanted to believe in God, I can't. Because I can't feel him, I have no proof that he is there. I need some sort of proof that he's there, in order for me to be able to feel him."

"But that's not faith, Kurt."

"Yes it is. Can you feel God, right now? Like can you feel his spirit around you, can you feel that just by praying to him, you know he's with you?"

Mercedes dwelled on this answer for a minute, but nodded.

"Then it's not faith, is it? Faith is believing, without knowing. Believing, without having proof that something is there. But you just confirmed, that you do have proof that he's there. Because you can feel him. I can't. I can't feel him, I can't get into the headspace necessary to find a way to him. It's great that you can, but I need to find something else to believe in, because god just won't do it for me."

"So what do you believe in, Kurt?" Mercedes asked him. He just smiled.

"I believe in my dad. I believe that he's strong enough to come out of the coma. I believe that he's strong enough to work hard enough to improve his health so he won't have another heart attack. I believe he'll do what he has to in order to survive. Because in the end, that's all I need to believe in. All I need to believe in, is him."


End file.
